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(CNN)Being belittled. Being shoved. Being threatened. This isn’t bullying at school or work — it’s abuse at home. It’s the ugly, violent truth hidden behind closed doors across America. It’s the smile you fake as you leave the house, wishing you could get in a car or a bus and take it all the way to a new life.
I’m not saying those people are bad. We’re all wired differently and we all carry our own experiences with us. But are those people good for you? What do they bring to your life? You have a right to build that boundary and protect your space. Surround yourself with people who respect, support and celebrate you.
3. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary.
I didn’t fully, deeply feel freedom until I forgave him. And this lesson has come in handy, by the way, with other relationships since him.
While I relished my new independence, that searing emotional pain didn’t dissolve simply because I changed my address. But holding onto anger didn’t protect me from future heartache either.
Experiences make you wiser. Resentment makes you decay. Bitterness will break you if you don’t find a way to break it. And quite frankly, that animosity you hold onto continues to give power to the person who hurt you. Why should you keep letting the past take swipes at you in the present?
Know this about forgiveness; you can forgive someone and still cut them out of your life.
Forgiving them doesn’t make them suddenly safe for you, but it does give you the space to be genuinely free.
That said, even years later, I still have days when I’m overwhelmed or frustrated or scared. I, like you, am human & beautifully imperfect. And you know what? I know he is too, and I truly wish him well. I want him to be happy and whole. There’s good in him.
There’s good in everyone. There’s good in you. But recognize that not everyone is good FOR you.
So if you find yourself relating to all this, please know you can wave goodbye to your abuser and love him or her from afar. Get comfortable with being alone. And when you look back at the relationship you thought would break you, recognize you’re still standing. Because you will be.
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